Contradictions

You utter

that four letter

word while your hand

is wrapped around her waist.

Why I still think about your taste

I’ll never understand.

you keep saying I’m yours

but our distance tells me otherwise.

So why do I act surprised

when the excuses arrive again?

I keep trying to shut my door

knowing you’ll sneak back in.

But I’ll wake up with the sunrise

and count the spiders under my bed,

battling contradictions in my head.

You’ll contact me in the afternoon

and pretend you’ll visit very soon,

then you’ll repeat your signature phrase:

“I love you.”

But I know you don’t meant it, as always.

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5 am

I woke up at 5 am

Realized I’m alone

and you’re 2,015 km away.

Maybe you’ll come around one day.

But for now, I’ll close my eyes

and drift off into my imagination….

missing you is a blessing in disguise

it means I can finally feel again.

We always want what we can never obtain

but I’ll take the pleasure with the pain,

hoping you’re waking up alone too,

and wondering if I dreamt of you.