Contradictions

You utter

that four letter

word while your hand

is wrapped around her waist.

Why I still think about your taste

I’ll never understand.

you keep saying I’m yours

but our distance tells me otherwise.

So why do I act surprised

when the excuses arrive again?

I keep trying to shut my door

knowing you’ll sneak back in.

But I’ll wake up with the sunrise

and count the spiders under my bed,

battling contradictions in my head.

You’ll contact me in the afternoon

and pretend you’ll visit very soon,

then you’ll repeat your signature phrase:

“I love you.”

But I know you don’t meant it, as always.

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5 am

I woke up at 5 am

Realized I’m alone

and you’re 2,015 km away.

Maybe you’ll come around one day.

But for now, I’ll close my eyes

and drift off into my imagination….

missing you is a blessing in disguise

it means I can finally feel again.

We always want what we can never obtain

but I’ll take the pleasure with the pain,

hoping you’re waking up alone too,

and wondering if I dreamt of you.

Faded

I know you thought of me today
When you visited my friend’s workplace
A small part of you was hoping
You would encounter my face.

I haven’t thought of yours in a long time.
Granted, when you do cross my mind,
A reminder of what I left behind,
You no longer take a hold of me,
You simply fleet right through,
A deleted memory. A faded hue.
Keep on thinking of me, then,
Because I guarantee
You will never see my face again.

They say it’s better to forgive than to forget
But who says I haven’t forgotten you yet?

Self-fulfillment

Loneliness knows no existence

in the realm of my mind.

Content with my own presence,

I’ve left my misery behind.

I am tired of lowering my expectations

For undeserving humans.

Instead, I will nurture my soul

With nature’s lullaby.

On my own, I can be whole

Just me, myself and I.

So, when you depart,

Do not forget to shut the door.

I don’t need anyone, anymore

For my heart.

The breath in my lungs will suffice:

I will make my reality a paradise.

Asphyxiation

Some nights
I just want to stop breathing
For a little while,
And forget everything:
The heartbreak
violence, oppression,
Misguided intolerance.
25 years young
Still writing love songs
But they fall on deaf ears.
Is anyone even listening?
It seems I've been walking
Down this path of tears
For eternity.
No one can find me,
Hiding in my insecurities,
Gasping from asphyxiation.
Here, there is no oxygen;
Just the scent
Of death's temptation.