Some nights I just want to stop breathing For a little while, And forget everything: The heartbreak violence, oppression, Misguided intolerance. 25 years young Still writing love songs But they fall on deaf ears. Is anyone even listening? It seems I've been walking Down this path of tears For eternity. No one can find me, Hiding in my insecurities, Gasping from asphyxiation. Here, there is no oxygen; Just the scent Of death's temptation.
He says, his eyes
piercing through mine.
How could I stay the same
When I have felt his soul
and my heart intertwine?
I wish I could leave
my emotions behind.
I do not reply
but I want to cry:
“I shiver every time you touch my skin,
Although, it’s usually by accident.
you talk all about how your date went
and you expect me to sit there and grin?
To encourage you to destroy me
While you and I both deny
our incomprehensible chemistry?
you don’t miss when my knees were on the floor
I see you lick your lips when you enter my door.”
He sighs, “You’re so cold”
-No, I’m just too old…
Too old to waste my life on this.”
He walks away, I blow a final kiss.
I am forever changing, it’s what humans do;
So, this is the last poem I will waste on you.
You held out your hand for a fist pump
But I immediately went in for a hug.
Why am I like this?
All I wanted was a kiss.
You keep saying that you want to be
But I’ve seen how your eyes devour me.
Now, your cologne lingers
On my leather jacket.
You go off to sleep with her;
I lock myself in the closet.
I keep hoping one day,
When you’re done playing,
You will have the courage to look back in.
There is no guarantee
But you might just find me
Waiting for you, with arms wide open.
I have had this recurring dream
It has plagued me since fourteen.
In it, all I hear are my mother’s screams
Some things are better left unseen.
She’s begging me to look away
Trying to keep me innocent
Just for one more day,
But I can smell the scent
Of smoke, blood and gasoline
I feel like I’m in a movie scene.
I keep staring straight at the rubble
Of the building facing our own,
Hoping we’re safe in our little bubble,
Praying the jets will leave us alone.
The dream doesn’t really have an ending:
just an image of my inner child fading.
Lately, I’ve been having a different dream
Where I’m staring into a machine
at little blue thumb-ups on a screen.
There’s a video of a politician
Saying exactly what he means
The world is green, the air is clean.
He preaches love, kindness and serenity
And all of Earth’s beings enjoy prosperity.
I wake up from my hallucinations
To missiles, gun fights, executions
Humans will want what they do not need
They are but victims of their own greed.
Now that I am finally awake,
I understand what is at stake
The blue fingers point to a virtual sky
I wave to the little girl in my dream: goodbye.
You played me like a guitar string
your nimble fingers sliding down my spine.
Listening to the sweet sounds escaping
from my open mouth; our souls aligned.
But soon enough, you tired of the music
and longed to experiment.
So you put me down, threw out the pick
to try another instrument.
I heaved a sigh as I watched you leave
my heart still vibrating against my sleeve
hoping, in vain, that you’ll come back and play
but the melody faded as you walked away.
Picture by Andrew Lamboff
I was listening
to an old tune
that held new meaning.
When I found my muse
in a little blue
dot on my phone.
flooded into view.
how long has it been,
A year, maybe a few?
Last I heard,
You were still addicted to escape
Drowning your sorrow
in liquid courage and opiates.
Now, there’s a little icon
Suspended in the hollow,
with your face, as yet unforgotten
(a picture I myself had taken).
With an inaudible scream,
my heart nearly jumping
I read over your terrible spelling.
You said I appeared in your dream
That you still recall the feeling
we used to have before.
I decided I needed
to hear your voice once more,
for old times’ sake.
It was a mistake.
You told me you practice archery
(But how come you still miss me?)
You finally got a ferret
and you had no regrets.
We had not yet attained maturity
back then, you just wanted to party.
You still cuddle with Nemo
(how I miss that little furball!)
But your voice turned low
and I wanted to halt the call
at the mention
of your new woman.
What did I expect, that you would remain
Mine, forever wallowing in pain?
But then you explained that, despite your desire
Her spark has never matched our fire.
I whispered “because we were real”
But could not tell you how I feel.
I cannot pull you back on my string
Besides, she treats you like a king.
You asked if you could still call me a friend
for that, we would need to meet again.
For now, you must remain an apparition
Your face condemned to my imagination.
(I still love you, that I know.
how come I can’t say it though?)
You finally hung up the phone
I was back to being all alone.
You’ll always be the one
I loved, still love, the most
But Cupid had a loaded gun
now, you’re just a ghost.
Daydreaming about your lips
Hands pressed on my hips
Your scent, divine…
My body jolts,
I am awake
Of yesterday still striking me.
I want to replace every memory
Of past heartbreak
With your kiss, your smile
And how you make
The pain fade for a while.
No longer confined
To the chains that shackled me before.
You’ve freed my mind;
I don’t daydream about him anymore.