Asphyxiation

Some nights
I just want to stop breathing
For a little while,
And forget everything:
The heartbreak
violence, oppression,
Misguided intolerance.
25 years young
Still writing love songs
But they fall on deaf ears.
Is anyone even listening?
It seems I've been walking
Down this path of tears
For eternity.
No one can find me,
Hiding in my insecurities,
Gasping from asphyxiation.
Here, there is no oxygen;
Just the scent
Of death's temptation.

Change

“You’ve changed.”

He says, his eyes

piercing through mine.

How could I stay the same

When I have felt his soul

and my heart intertwine?

I wish I could leave

my emotions behind.

I do not reply

but I want to cry:

“I shiver every time you touch my skin,

Although, it’s usually by accident.

you talk all about how your date went

and you expect me to sit there and grin?

To encourage you to destroy me

While you and I both deny

our incomprehensible chemistry?

Don’t pretend

you don’t miss when my knees were on the floor

I see you lick your lips when you enter my door.”

He sighs, “You’re so cold”

-No, I’m just too old…

Too old to waste my life on this.”

He walks away, I blow a final kiss.

I am forever changing, it’s what humans do;

So, this is the last poem I will waste on you.

Arms wide open

You held out your hand for a fist pump

But I immediately went in for a hug.

Why am I like this?

All I wanted was a kiss.

You keep saying that you want to be

Just friends

But I’ve seen how your eyes devour me.

Now, your cologne lingers

On my leather jacket.

You go off to sleep with her;

I lock myself in the closet.

I keep hoping one day,

When you’re done playing,

You will have the courage to look back in.

There is no guarantee

But you might just find me

Waiting for you, with arms wide open.

Damaged Dreams

I have had this recurring dream

It has plagued me since fourteen.

In it, all I hear are my mother’s screams

Some things are better left unseen.

She’s begging me to look away

Trying to keep me innocent

Just for one more day,

But I can smell the scent

Of smoke, blood and gasoline

I feel like I’m in a movie scene.

I keep staring straight at the rubble

Of the building facing our own,

Hoping we’re safe in our little bubble,

Praying the jets will leave us alone.

The dream doesn’t really have an ending:

just an image of my inner child fading.

Lately, I’ve been having a different dream

Where I’m staring into a machine

at little blue thumb-ups on a screen.

There’s a video of a politician

Saying exactly what he means

The world is green, the air is clean.

He preaches love, kindness and serenity

And all of Earth’s beings enjoy prosperity.

I wake up from my hallucinations

To missiles, gun fights, executions

Humans will want what they do not need

They are but victims of their own greed.

Now that I am finally awake,

I understand what is at stake

The blue fingers point to a virtual sky

I wave to the little girl in my dream: goodbye.

Guitar Strings

You played me like a guitar string

your nimble fingers sliding down my spine.

Listening to the sweet sounds escaping

from my open mouth; our souls aligned.

But soon enough, you tired of the music

and longed to experiment.

So you put me down, threw out the pick

to try another instrument.

I heaved a sigh as I watched you leave

my heart still vibrating against my sleeve

hoping, in vain, that you’ll come back and play

but the melody faded as you walked away.guitar.png

Picture by Andrew Lamboff

 

 

Ghost

I was listening

to an old tune

that held new meaning.

When I found my muse

in a little blue

dot on my phone.

Memories

flooded into view.

how long has it been,

A year, maybe a few?

Last I heard,

You were still addicted to escape

Drowning your sorrow

in liquid courage and opiates.

Now, there’s a little icon

Suspended in the hollow,

with your face, as yet unforgotten

(a picture I myself had taken).

With an inaudible scream,

my heart nearly jumping

I read over your terrible spelling.

You said I appeared in your dream

That you still recall the feeling

we used to have before.

I decided I needed

to hear your voice once more,

for old times’ sake.

It was a mistake.

 

You told me you practice archery

(But how come you still miss me?)

You finally got a ferret

and you had no regrets.

We had not yet attained maturity

back then, you just wanted to party.

You still cuddle with Nemo

(how I miss that little furball!)

But your voice turned low

and I wanted to halt the call

at the mention

of your new woman.

What did I expect, that you would remain

Mine, forever wallowing in pain?

But then you explained that, despite your desire

Her spark has never matched our fire.

I whispered “because we were real”

But could not tell you how I feel.

I cannot pull you back on my string

Besides, she treats you like a king.

You asked if you could still call me a friend

for that, we would need to meet again.

For now, you must remain an apparition

Your face condemned to my imagination.

 

(I still love you, that I know.

how come I can’t say it though?)

You finally hung up the phone

I was back to being all alone.

 

You’ll always be the one

I loved, still love, the most

But Cupid had a loaded gun

now, you’re just a ghost.

Daydreams

Daydreaming about your lips

Devouring mine

Hands pressed on my hips

Your scent, divine…

My body jolts,

I am awake

The thunderbolts

Of yesterday still striking me.

I want to replace every memory

Of past heartbreak

With your kiss, your smile

And how you make

The pain fade for a while.

No longer confined

To the chains that shackled me before.

You’ve freed my mind;

I don’t daydream about him anymore.

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